Back to Reality

I woke up this morning to the realization that today I started college again. It had been two months since I had left my first university, two months that I was home, two months that I wasn't in school, two months that I had been purely happy. As I lay in bed preparing myself for the day ahead, I wondered if I was ready to get back to reality, to go back to being a college student, to go to classes and have homework, to put myself back into the college scene. At that moment my answer was yes. I had been going to work regularly and hanging out with friends occasionally, but I often found myself bored at home, so I was ready for a new routine.

Dressed and ready for my first class at 11am, I departed my house and drove to campus. I navigated my way through the building and found my classroom. Taking a seat in the front of the class, I pulled out my notebook and planner and waited for the class to start. People filed in and I snuck quick glances around the room, looking at my classmates, wondering how many were commuters, how many lived on campus, what their majors were, and if I would form friendships with any of them. Class began and we reviewed the syllabus and got a brief overview of the class from the professor. When the professor let the class out, I walked to my car and drove to the university's other campus. Once again I navigated my way through different buildings until I had found the one my class was in. It took me about 10 minutes of walking up and down stairs and through multiple hallways before I finally set my eyes on classroom number 42. After reviewing the syllabus my professor let us out 45 minutes early. Being a commuter and a new student on campus I knew I couldn't go home because I had a class at 4:10pm but I also didn't know where to go. So I walked back to my car and sat in there for a solid 15 minutes before I found out on their website there was a Learning Commons I could go to to study or do homework. I walked to that area and did some reading for my classes while people watching. Finally at 4:00pm I walked to my next class, reviewed the syllabus, walked to my car, and drove home.

Today there were so many thoughts going through my head. I was overwhelmed by the new scene I had just been plopped into. My anxiety raged and I constantly thought about the decision I had made two months ago. Everyone else that I had seen seemed so confident and so sure of themselves, yet here I was walking around campus with a map, holding back tears. I felt like an outsider, someone that didn't belong. After two months of routine, I had just been thrown for a loop with a new one that I wasn't comfortable with yet. When I talked to my friends they calmed me down and reminded me that it was just the first day. And they were right. It was my first day. It takes time to adjust to change and that adjustment won't come easily or on the first day.

Walking back to my car after my last class, I was relieved. Relieved that I could go home, relieved that I was removing myself from the anxiety-causing situation, relieved that I felt like I could breathe again. With time I'm hoping I'll adjust to this new university and get used to the campuses. With time my anxiety will lessen and I'll be okay. Change is not easy, and I've realized that. It takes hard work, persistence, and the ability to believe and trust in yourself.